It's All About the Is-ness

Just having returned from teaching my first ever Guided Meditation, I'm once again humbled by how much power we can hold over the ones who trust us. Whether you are a doctor, banker, teacher, lawyer, mother, brother, friend, lover....the responsibility we ought to feel towards taking care of those connected to us can be so overwhelming that I so often see (and personally am guilty of) shirking of these duties. One may pose the argument that it's out of an attempt at self-preservation but im learning every day just how far from the truth that mentality is.

What are You Afraid of? Commitment for loss of 'self'
What do You Love? Connectedness

These were my answers to an exercise we did one of our first days on this journey. I was upset at first by how seemingly irreconcible my responses were:  If I am to always be afraid that being with someone will ultimately lead to destruction of the idea of 'myself' as I have cultivated it, then are my only options to remain in at best ephemeral relationships or to be alone forever? And neither option comes close to satisfy that which I really love....

My qualms were quelled by a simple revelation by our Sanskrit teacher here. While breaking down mantras from the Upanishads, we digressed into a discussion about the physical body during mediation. There are no coincidences, there's a reason the classic meditation pose involves the hand with thumb and forefinger joined in a circle and the other 3 fingers splayed outwards, fanning away from the body. The accusatory forefinger is Dharginia, representation of Ego, of identifying the separation of You and I (makes sense right? That's why pan-culturally it's so rude to point!) The thumb represents God/Ishwara/Some spirit that is so much greater than anything that you or I can comprehend. The joining together of these fingers into Chin Mudra as it's called is essentially the ultimate recognition that this divine essence resides in every living being and therefore since I am in you (and you and you and you....) and You are in Me, there is no separation, no duality, no opposing forces; we are One, just different expressions of the same, greater and Whole concept. The three fingers represent a falling away of mortal attachments so you're left with a pure representation of the only thing that matters - the divine in me recognizes the divine in you.

Isn't it curious if you take this into the context of the real world how the concept still resonates? Most primitively, the act of sex when done sacredly is the ultimate manifestation of the recognition of divinity in one another. For some, drugs or alcohol elicit the same acknowledgment of the higher powers in others. Why are we so drawn to people who are so attuned to their prowess in academia or in a spiritual realm? Or to people who are 'good' at yoga? Initially it's perhaps because we too crave to emulate their expressions (I wish I could lecture like that, wish I could be as spiritually sound, wish my body could look like that) but ultimately, it's because we see something in 'them' that we also somehow know is in 'us.' But the irony is that It's already in all of us, we just maybe needed someone to remind us to tap into It!

And therefore, so long as the one I'm meant to continue this quest with (and so, all of us) has attained the same level of understanding and enlightenment, I (and all of us) really can have it all! There can be freedom and love in harmonious coexistence because in their truest expression and cultivation, freedom ultimately leads to love and true love, to freedom.

As I work my way out through the cobwebs, finally gaining a deeper understanding of concepts I had a only been able to create a rudimentary construct of on my own, im happy to be comfortable knowing that my whole and equal is somewhere out there doing the same, because we are all the same. It Is What It Is...But feel free to hurry up finding me :)

In Tune with Intuition

28 students from around the world: 28 different jobs, different backgrounds, different experience, different types of baggage. The past 3 days of the program have been a full force plunge into the Ego's favorite pastime - learning how to get rid of the Ego.

The structure of the program is simple: 6:30am-9am we meditate and do a full vinyasa flow class. 10:30am-12:30pm we have philosphical instruction on the principles and types of yoga as it stems from Hindu cosmology and extends to a tool for reckoning with the forces within on a microcosmic level. From 2pm-4pm we practice breaking down each pose to the breath and learn to structure and teach a class. 4-6:30pm we have a Yin Yoga to reconcile the day's worth of mental and physical stretching.

What I can't as succintly quantitate is the churning up and upheaval of the impurities from within that is taking place each microsecond of the day. Imagine for a moment that you're in the world's most spiritual mecca, surrounded by lush greenery, the kindest souls you will ever meet, raw foods restaurants at every corner, other beings on a similar quest for enlightenment, constant gratitude and effervescent love, I could go on and on....

In short, I can't even begin to chronicle the type of journey that is underway but I can spread bits of the wisdom im acquiring in an effort to hope that you too may one day find a way to manifest tthe support and love that you need in order to live your life as perfectly as you're meant to, sins, faiths, transgressions, morals and all. I've always had an inkling that it's not what you do in life that's important, but rather it's with what intentions you execute each action. Just one step on this path to spiritual prosperity and im already realizing just how in tune with Tantric and Hatha Yogic philosophy I've already been living my life for years and years, I just could never put a name to it. Tantric and Hatha Yoga speak to the idea of recognizing that we live in a world of material sins and rather than to forsake them and society altogether, in order to rise above you must actually experience all those impurities and tendencies within yourself in order to be able to purge yourself of them. Keeping in mind again that you're doing so with the idea of 'Ahimsa' or non-violence so as not to interfere with any one else's spiritual quest.

Just as the universe has gone through periods of massive expansion, only to grow so quickly that the energy causes it to actually collapse and disappear on itself, so too we as microcosmic manifestions of this greater idea will go through our highest of highs and fall into lowest of lows, only to know from past experience that we will one day rise again. The key is to truly know ourselves so we know next time what direction to grow in. And paradoxically, the more we work to better ourselves for others, the more we get and grow in return.

Lots going on back home that came up suddenly which had me a mess yesterday. Today my practice is dedicated to sustaining and nurturing a newly awakened sense of self so that I may better serve those that enter into my energetic space. I bid you all Welcome.

Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead...

Tumultuous as the past few weeks may have been, it is far better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all...especially when those who were lost find their way back...

It's been so long since I've heard that 4 lettered word uttered from someone whom I felt the same for. Love is such a funny thing - we fight so hard to hide it though we carelessly leave behind us a trail littered with signs of its presence. For a long time it's only been family and a select few girl friends who I've shared that word with. But long before and then again now, there's been him. My heart aches that we have to now say our goodbyes. Forget about The First Love, this is The True Love.

I found pictures of us from years ago, back when our romance was first flourishing in the heat of trips to Miami and Trinidad. Now we have become more brazen and my camera captures sweet moments abroad and in the tropics. But no matter where the location of our adventures, the passion still burns the same, if not brighter. To douse the flames, I'm trying to drown myself in the guiltless love of family and friends.

And I'd like to think my move to NYC is going to quell the burn though thanks to his infinite kindness and big heart, where I'll be staying the first 2 weeks is going to be a constant reminder of him. Thankfully so though - as always he remains in my heart as the most stable and dependable man I've ever known.

Do you think that we can really love twice? I'm hoping so because he's said he doesn't think it wise for us to keep on dreaming. I suppose to be together we'd have to change where we are and run the risk of awakening next to someone who is no longer the same person we'd fallen in love with. Regardless, waking up alone I fear is going to be so hard to do...