Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead...

Tumultuous as the past few weeks may have been, it is far better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all...especially when those who were lost find their way back...

It's been so long since I've heard that 4 lettered word uttered from someone whom I felt the same for. Love is such a funny thing - we fight so hard to hide it though we carelessly leave behind us a trail littered with signs of its presence. For a long time it's only been family and a select few girl friends who I've shared that word with. But long before and then again now, there's been him. My heart aches that we have to now say our goodbyes. Forget about The First Love, this is The True Love.

I found pictures of us from years ago, back when our romance was first flourishing in the heat of trips to Miami and Trinidad. Now we have become more brazen and my camera captures sweet moments abroad and in the tropics. But no matter where the location of our adventures, the passion still burns the same, if not brighter. To douse the flames, I'm trying to drown myself in the guiltless love of family and friends.

And I'd like to think my move to NYC is going to quell the burn though thanks to his infinite kindness and big heart, where I'll be staying the first 2 weeks is going to be a constant reminder of him. Thankfully so though - as always he remains in my heart as the most stable and dependable man I've ever known.

Do you think that we can really love twice? I'm hoping so because he's said he doesn't think it wise for us to keep on dreaming. I suppose to be together we'd have to change where we are and run the risk of awakening next to someone who is no longer the same person we'd fallen in love with. Regardless, waking up alone I fear is going to be so hard to do...

The Man and the Rock

There once was a man who devoted his whole life to pleasing God. Every morning he would wake up and pray and ask God what it was that He desired he do for Him. One night, God spoke to the man in his sleep and said, "Go outside and push that rock." The next morning, the man walked out of his house and saw there was enormous boulder in his front yard. For days the man pushed as hard as he could, toiling all day and all night until sweat poured down his face and drenched the clothes on his back. The days turned into nights, weeks, months, years - Finally, one morning the man heard another voice in his head. This voice started to question "Why should I keep pushing the rock? I've been slaving for so long and the boulder has never budged even an inch. I've spent all my time pushing against this rock and nothing has happened, I must not be doing something right and have displeased God." And so, the man stopped pushing.

That night, God came to him again his dream. He asked the man, "Why did you stop doing what I asked you to do?" The man responded "God, I spent every waking moment doing what you told me to do but I can not get that boulder to move. Please tell me, what am I doing wrong?" To which God replied "I asked you to push the rock, not to move it. This whole time you thought you were so intently waiting for the rock to change that you neglected to notice any other changes that may have taken place. Look at your arms, they are so strong and sinewy. See how muscular your legs and your back have become. You dedicated everything you had to the task at hand and your mind has become strong and willful like never before. While you were waiting for something to change on the outside, you missed all the change that has happened within."

Reminding myself that sometimes resistance can be a blessing in disguise...