Ever since the onset of my pre-teen quest of defining individuality by conforming to one of the long-standing categories of adolescence, I've been enamored by Zodiac signs. I always wanted to be the type of person who was defined by their stars, an example of how forces larger than ourselves shape our very existence and put us on the path to our destiny. Unfortunately, I quickly realized that I was the farthest thing imaginable from a cast of what my Zodiac sign stands for. Libra: Latin for "sclaes" - the sign associated with scales of balance. Sometimes I think that the only thing I'm able to balance is tea in one hand and a textbook in the other. And today aided in rendering the literal interpretation of my sign null and void in the court of my life. I was berated by my Ob/Gyn this morning for putting on too much weight (6lbs???) since my last visit 3 months ago, only to come home and weigh myself and find that I was contrary to fact a whole 2 lbs. lighter than I was back in November...Aside from mentioning that normally I weigh myself in the mornings as daytime fluctuations in weight can be vast, I have no other comments on the matter. I'd like to remain in the Land of Oblivia please.
To return to the point of balance, however:
Unfortunately, it stands to note that my Behavior Change Plan of 5 weeks (to stick to raw/organic foods and vegetables) royally failed. BUT, I realized that it was due to the lack of aforementioned balance my plan proffered. I had attempted to address this fact in the beginning of the endeavor but seriously underestimated how powerful the act of balancing can be. Hundreds of dollars, hours of complaining and a handful of emotional breakdowns later it has become apparent that my previous lifestyle was indeed a lot healthier and positive for self-esteem than this crazy plan (surprise!). After letting down myself (and my Ob/Gyn, apparently. docs can be so mean!!) I am quite content to revert to my previous lifestyle and though there may be some good days probably followed by more bad days, the self-enforced pressure won't be as high and therefore the effect of 'failing' won't be as great.
They say hindsight is 20/20...well today I also paid a (pricey) visit to my optometrist and was informed that my vision has indeed gotten worse since the advent of medical school. As if my astigmatism didn't make me blind enough, my nearsightedness has also increased. I'd like to take this opportunity to consider my myopia as a metaphor for the outlook on life that most (girls) my age and in the same stage of life tend to be blinded by. I know that the whole reason for my redonkulous lifestyle modification was because I felt that there was some glaring flaw that was standing in my immediate path to becoming a better person (because obviously there is only one path...). I've seen several of those I'm close with feel that if they too could just change that one thing about them that they would be that much closer to attaining happiness. But if I've learned anything these past few weeks it's been that to know and love yourself exactly as you are in the present moment is really what lets you attain that Nirvana of self-affirmation. And I've also seen that the simplest way to do so is by keeping only those who are on the same level of you, if not higher, around. Aside from paring out certain foods from my life, I'd also began doing the same to certain people. It may sound cruel and self-righteous to think that some people aren't worth your time but the reality of it is just that. Those that can imbue thoughts and ideas that fuel your own are the ones who can help to stand by your resolutions and help you see through your goals.
I deleted my Facebook account for the first time in 6 years, a feat that I never regarded as more than a passing whim because I couldn't imagine a world where I wasn't intricately tied into others' lives and them to mine. But one morning I woke up and realized that worrying about the masses was what was keeping me from focusing in on what was good for me, and those who are meant to be a part of my life will find a way to stay in it. And lo and behold I was right! You're reading this now, aren't you? :)
Nighttime musings are by far the best. They open the mind to an untapped potential of thoughts that are repressed for the majority of the day and begin to leak out only when the strain of the day becomes too great. So I will set this batch of thoughts out into the cold, endless abyss of (cyber)space and rest. Tomorrow is another day full of promise, broodings and shopping for one of these....
To return to the point of balance, however:
Unfortunately, it stands to note that my Behavior Change Plan of 5 weeks (to stick to raw/organic foods and vegetables) royally failed. BUT, I realized that it was due to the lack of aforementioned balance my plan proffered. I had attempted to address this fact in the beginning of the endeavor but seriously underestimated how powerful the act of balancing can be. Hundreds of dollars, hours of complaining and a handful of emotional breakdowns later it has become apparent that my previous lifestyle was indeed a lot healthier and positive for self-esteem than this crazy plan (surprise!). After letting down myself (and my Ob/Gyn, apparently. docs can be so mean!!) I am quite content to revert to my previous lifestyle and though there may be some good days probably followed by more bad days, the self-enforced pressure won't be as high and therefore the effect of 'failing' won't be as great.
They say hindsight is 20/20...well today I also paid a (pricey) visit to my optometrist and was informed that my vision has indeed gotten worse since the advent of medical school. As if my astigmatism didn't make me blind enough, my nearsightedness has also increased. I'd like to take this opportunity to consider my myopia as a metaphor for the outlook on life that most (girls) my age and in the same stage of life tend to be blinded by. I know that the whole reason for my redonkulous lifestyle modification was because I felt that there was some glaring flaw that was standing in my immediate path to becoming a better person (because obviously there is only one path...). I've seen several of those I'm close with feel that if they too could just change that one thing about them that they would be that much closer to attaining happiness. But if I've learned anything these past few weeks it's been that to know and love yourself exactly as you are in the present moment is really what lets you attain that Nirvana of self-affirmation. And I've also seen that the simplest way to do so is by keeping only those who are on the same level of you, if not higher, around. Aside from paring out certain foods from my life, I'd also began doing the same to certain people. It may sound cruel and self-righteous to think that some people aren't worth your time but the reality of it is just that. Those that can imbue thoughts and ideas that fuel your own are the ones who can help to stand by your resolutions and help you see through your goals.
I deleted my Facebook account for the first time in 6 years, a feat that I never regarded as more than a passing whim because I couldn't imagine a world where I wasn't intricately tied into others' lives and them to mine. But one morning I woke up and realized that worrying about the masses was what was keeping me from focusing in on what was good for me, and those who are meant to be a part of my life will find a way to stay in it. And lo and behold I was right! You're reading this now, aren't you? :)
Nighttime musings are by far the best. They open the mind to an untapped potential of thoughts that are repressed for the majority of the day and begin to leak out only when the strain of the day becomes too great. So I will set this batch of thoughts out into the cold, endless abyss of (cyber)space and rest. Tomorrow is another day full of promise, broodings and shopping for one of these....
Delightful blog! Tell your brother to get one too (his thoughts are too cool to be kept to himself).
ReplyDeleteLove,
Faithful friend and secret admirer
I will pass on the message!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment! After failing to accomplish what I had intended to be the purpose of this blog I had just about resolved to delete it all together but I think I have just been motivated to continue posting... :)