Fallacy of Fortune and Fish. And Salvation by Fruit.

This was by far one of the worst Mondays in a while...After breaking Baby-Cat's heart last night, I was finally able to wrestle away Captain Ruffles and Mr. Fishy #5 and whisk them away to Daytona. BC had been lax with her schoolwork as of late and since 3rd grade is no joke, Mommy decided a fit punishment would be to estrange her from her pets until she can get her act together. And so I arrived back in Daytona at 11pm last night with albino parakeet and beta fish in tow. Both were settling in well, or so I thought, until arriving back at home this evening. While showing a friend who stopped by to see my new pets, he questioned why Mr. Fishy #5 was buried beneath the stones and aquatic plants in his bowl...Turns out Mr. Fishy didn't stomach the ride back home so well last night and subsequently dug himself a grave and DIED at some point today while I was at work :( Tomorrow I will have to arrange for his burial. I probably will toss his carcass into the lake behind our apartment. Somehow, it seems more fitting to have his remains eaten by other fish than have him disgracefully decompose in human poop. RIP poor Mr. Fishy, you were thus far one of my favorites and I doubt if I'll have the heart to continue with the endeavor of fish-rearing with any other after you.



The fiasco of Mr. Fishy only added insult to the injury that was incurred early in the day. I found out while getting ready for work this morning that somewhere between Friday morning and Monday morning I apparently managed to have consumed a small child's weight in food...8lbs?!?!? I don't think it's even physiologically possible to gain that much weight in 4 days but somehow, I managed to perform such a miracle. In response, I've decided to go on a 3 day Fruit Detox Diet. I had planned to do this detox next weekend but subconsciously I must have known some calamity was coming sooner because I had bought $45 worth of raw fruits last night on my way home. Armed with ammo for the week, I managed to survive today but I'm interested to see what will unfold in the next few days. If it's anything like my Raw Foods Diet I attempted with the inception of the Freedom for Foodie blog, I'm curious as to what emotions and passions will be invoked this round....this should be good..

LAUGHTER is the best medicine

2 quotes that I encountered this weekend that reduced me to tears of laughter. I couldn't have expressed the sentiments better myself!

"The next time an ex tells you 'You will never find anyone like me'....your response should be 'God I should hope not!'"

And posted on the fridge in my bariatric surgery office suite: "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels"
-I am going to staple this one to my forehead lest I forget...

I am back home for the weekend, exploring the 'forests' of Deer Creek with baby-cat, stuffing my face with totally unhealthy bengali food, trying to choreograph a ridiculous Bharatanatyam fusion piece that I have to perform in 12 days, having side-splittingly hilarious gossip sessions with mother dearest and hopefully tomorrow will be preparing the presentation I have to give on congestive heart failure. And also preparing for a fruit detox that is to take place this week. Now that we've returned from a slew of Indian parties throughout the day, it's upstairs to the theater room to watch a Hindi movie. Never a dull moment <3 Blessed are the packed days, I love the feeling of being rushed along. I'd like to think all this is just a time pass til I get to the next Big Moment. No idea what it's going to entail this time but I have an uncanny feeling I'm heading towards something good...So I'll keep barreling forward at light speed; ironic though, considering that 3E8 m/s just may be the only constant in my life for the moment ;)

Life isn't about about finding yourself...it's about creating yourself.

Today's pervasive theme seemed to be listening to the wisdom that emanates from others. Due to the whims of the Universe, the past few days I've felt uncharacteristically imbalanced and was beginning to worry that the satisfaction I've been receiving through the gifts of life was to be a transient experience. But today I heard a talk by a plastic surgeon and was inspired. "Right now, you oughta be loving every experience you're having, otherwise you'd better get out quick", the quick witted, southern surgeon preached. And I realized that even though I spent 12 hours on my feet yesterday seeing patients first in the office and then in the nighttime emergency clinic, my ADD was actually put on hold for those 12 hours and they felt like they passed in merely one long blink of an eye. Years before, I would have agonized over having to devote so much of my precious time to the service of others. Now I'm realizing every day what an incredible honor it is to interact with even the most cantankerous patient because I'm recognizing that everyone has some amazing, powerful energy that they shed with every exchange, and how you perceive and respond to that energy is really how it ultimately affects you. If you chose to let the irritable, pessimistic patient who yells at you because he's had to wait for 30 minutes to have his pilonidal cyst looked at bring you down, then the depressed energy you in turn send off will only cause the rest of your interactions for the day to be highlighted with a negative vibe. But if you stop for a moment, take in the angry man's energy, understand and accept that his anger comes from a place of hurt and misunderstanding, and then just let it go while sending off some extra love in his direction, you will never feel that sting of annoyance that slowly eats away at us throughout the rest of the day.


In my yoga class tonight my teacher relayed an anecdote during savasana. She received a fortune cookie today that carried the message: "The odds of hitting your target go up dramatically when you aim at it" Do you ever stop and wonder if you're ever aiming at the right target? As we grow older and (hopefully) wiser, we are constantly trying to reinvent and redefine ourselves but our overall goal never changes, we're still always searching for that feeling of peace. Maybe the secret to happiness isn't just trying hard, it's knowing what you're trying for......

tonight's picture comes from Kripalu, a holistic sanctuary I did an Integrative Medicine program at this summer. Sending out positive thoughts to those of you that are in need of a little extra healing love tonight :)

Reader beware my wrath...

After an absolutely phenomenal weekend in New York it was of course necessary that I be assailed with every problem possible as soon I set foot in the airport. Once again battling the forces of nature, I boarded my flight from Laguardia to Charlotte with 10 minutes to catch my connecting flight to Daytona. I think my rapid fire succession of trips for the past couple months has cultivated a whole new level of patience and calm within me when traveling. Instead of frantically trying to rebook my flights and arrange for rental cars to drive from some far removed airport so I could scramble back to work in time I resorted to just sitting and breathing while the crowds panicked around me. I slowly heard almost every single flight leaving New York being cancelled but some force of airport authority divinity decided that 10 minutes was enough time for one to run from one end of Charlotte's airport to the other to make the Daytona flight and so, I boarded my plane and sat. Of course there was no overhead luggage space so I had to wrangle with disconcerted passengers and irritated flight stewards to stow my carry-on a good 10 rows behind me. And of course while the plane was taxiing we were informed that LGA had once again put a hold on take-offs and we were to be stranded on the runway for at least another good 30 minutes. Even at this point I resisted the urge to whip out my phone and start figuring out which nearest airport I could be rebooked on and where I could attain a rental car from. It was just as well because I hadn't charged my cell phone the night before and so my phone was as good as dead by this point any way. Needless to say, my passive-aggressive attitude prevailed in the end: Upon landing, i used my last 5 minutes of battery life to call the US Airways travel status line, found out my Daytona flight had been again delayed and that I still had said 10 minutes to try to catch the flight. By some force of benevolence from above, I managed to have my suitcase passed down the 10 rows to where I was sitting, made it off the plane, and RAN. Even when running a race I dont think I have ever bolted so impressively. Heels clamoring, sweat breaking and with the blessed coffee I had the genius to order on the plane running through my veins I hightailed it like a banshee through the airport and got to the gate just as they were shutting down the gangway.

And of course, the fun didn't stop there. Upon arrival in Daytona Beach at 10pm, I arrive at my car only to find that it refused to start. After grappling with the mechanical forces that be I miraculously was able to get the engine going, only to find that one of the headlights had burned out. At this point I gave up, drove home, and hoped that the world would be righted when I woke the next morning.

And of course, when I got up at 6am to go to my first day of work (which is a 40 min drive away, in the middle of the woods and with a new doctor) I found my car wouldn't start. AGAIN. No worries; I somehow performed the same miracle I had the night before and was off. I thought the day was beginning to turn around when I found the new office without any problems and even saw a beautiful deer running next to my car at the wee hour of 6:45am as I pulled up to my new office. But within the next 5 minutes there was to be more disheartening news. My new doctor is a robust Cuban with a penchant for work. His exuberance dictates that I arrive every day at 7:15am. And said new doctor is so passionate about his patients that he demands that we see patients until 7:30pm every evening. which, when added to my drive back home insinuates that I wont be ending my days until 8pm every day. I suppose I wouldn't be complaining as much had i actually liked family medicine. This is probably the last field on earth I would ever go into and so devoting so much of my time to something I dont care for is just a horrific thought.

But after 3pm, somehow, the patients stopped showing up and so I was free to leave! And where did I go? straight to the BMW dealership to have my car checked out. Again, thinking this would be an easily accomplishable feat, i am about to set off for the dealership and once again my car won't start. Finally I get it going and get to BMW just minutes before it closes. I am convinced by the mechanic that I have to leave my car overnight for further inspection. I assume that won't be a problem because I can just get a BMW loaner in the meantime, god bless luxury vehicles!....and then I find out that this BMW dealership is denying me a loaner because I didn't buy my car from them...so I am rushed over to an adjacent Enterprise 5 minutes before they close to PAY by DAY for one of their rental cars. I am now indefinitely driving a white Ford Focus. Why indefinitely you ask? Because even though my car will most likely be healed by tomorrow, I will be in Palm Coast working the emergency walk-in clinic until 8pm every night this week. I hate to be cliched but all I have left to say is: FML.

Inebriation does not foster worthwhile creation

Following the events of today I've come to 3 conclusions:
1). I am not going to like family medicine
2). no matter how cliched or unwarranted, i will never bore of receiving red roses and being taken out for dinner and wine
3). I am really not going to like family medicine

The only thing that i did particularly care about on my first day of FM was that my attending has a strange semblance to a slightly older and decidedly less attractive Fabio. Complete with once voluminous but still long blonde hair that has seen better days than the scraggly pony tail it's currently being forced into. Oh and also the body of a fallen Greek Olympian. That's not to say I find him attractive in the least, in fact I think my multi-lingual tall, dark, handsome and happily married father of a psychiatry doctor i had was much more coveted in my eyes. I guess that goes to show that I equally crave stability along with persona. For example, said family medicine doc is married and travels extensively, but he has got to be at least 48 and has no children. his office is instead horrifically decorated with a plethora of dachshund paraphernalia. to the creepiest degree. to the point where there are dachshund birthday cards hanging on the walls that read "Happy Birthday, Dad!" Now normally I'm not one to judge on the eccentricities from person to person but this was one i couldn't bring myself to overlook. Odd though, considering my unhealthy obsession with maltese puppies, I guess I just dont find dogs shaped like hot-dogs quite as loveable...

After the disastrous post from last night I am begging whatever muse has taken reign of my literary voice tonight to cease and desist before I send any more garbage off into cyber space. The dinner and wine from tonight has me in no position to be bringing to fruition any ideas that may be brewing...though i have to pose one rhetorical question to the dark and obscure face of the blog reader: Once you cross the awkward line between a balanced friendship over to the side of unrequited desire to be something more, can you ever successfully step back into the safe haven of the relationship of yesterday? I have someone who is a dear friend but judging by actions tonight has overstepped the boundaries I had so vigilantly kept in place for the past 3 years. Caught somewhere between not wanting to lose a friendship but not wanting to fuel the fire, I am retiring my drunken mind to bed. Work is in 8 hours and I can't believe I allowed myself to be duped this evening. What's worse is that since I'm a firm believer that we always know exactly what we're about to get ourselves into, I have no one to blame but my moment-of-weakness self.

Independence

Nearly a 5 month hiatus and a lifetime of changes later, I finally decided to re-initiate posting the quirky insights I encounter by the mere fate of being myself. I chose this day to start as August 15 concurrently marks the Indian Independence Day and nothing gives me more pleasure in life than being able to attribute coincidences as symbols of fate. To be brief, I felt it very fitting that today not only marks my motherland's 64th year of independence from British rule, but that it should also be the day of my first posting from within my own sovereignty. While there have been several developments since the original Freedom for Foodie posts, some of the more notable are that I forsook raw foods and instead opted for balance, I survived my board exams, moved to a new city and probably most importantly, managed to extract myself out of yet another (surprise) unhealthy relationship. I've spent the past 3 months uncovering and polishing the stone of self-worth that had begun to become buried, tarnished and near forgotten and recently I'd even began to think that it had been shining brighter than it ever had. Though I'd been feeling like things couldn't be going any better, I was once again reminded today that there is no destination to the journey I'm on; while I'm loving the ride, it's important for me to constantly find ways to keep the hunger alive because that's the fuel that's going to keep me going. And of course, the drive is never smooth, nor is it always a straight path. Right now I can tell that I'm going off into woods again where there is going to be uncertainty...There are new strangers I'm meeting along the way and I am trying to decipher if they mean well or if I should steer clear. Part of me wants to be so daring as to let these newcomers' maps become my own but I'm not sure if I feel like I've completed enough of the journey on my own yet...

Ok too much existential speaking, if I haven't already lost you I feel like I'm definitely confusing myself now as well. I've been reading Dave Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and I think I'm starting to adopt his tangential thought process...I was always one to be influenced easily! All in all, I can say I'm very thoroughly pleased with where my road is going and I feel very blessed for the people I've encountered in the past few weeks. Blessed because they've enriched parts of my life that I can't tend to by myself and because no matter what I'd like to think, it's not always better to be alone..

The only complaint i have now is that allowing some of the aforementioned people to play such a large role in defining myself is that it necessitates breaking down some of the walls of the fortress I've built around myself. Though maybe it's not so much breaking as it is reconstructing...whatever it may be, I'm not sure if it's settling well because I can feel emotions wanting to break through the flood gates. I cried to a Paramore song today on my ride back to Daytona. The tears were falling with:

"Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with this loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk"

But then the tears came to a screeching halt with the next line:
"But you are the only exception"

I hate being so openly emo but that was definitely my psyche telling me to save the tears because there's no one to shed them over yet. but that's not to say that i'm not wishing there were.

Hopefully this will be last sappy post for a while. I think it stemmed from me reading the journal I was keeping when I was off doing my Integrative Medicine retreat program in Mass. after my boards. Most of my entries then revolved around the mess I was in that didn't until recently work itself out. But the shock of what happened in retrospect I guess runs deeper than I'd like to let it. It's also probably because I miss being in an environment that was as nurturing as Kripalu was. I'm so grateful that I had that week of experiences but I'm greedy and need more of being surrounded by people as caring and open-minded as I was then. I'll be dreaming of them fondly tonight :)

Family medicine starts tomorrow! An entire psychiatry rotation went by and I'm lamenting that I didn't re-open this blog sooner because I missed out on so many wonderful opportunities to document some life-changing encounters. There is just so much to say right now about everything I think I'll stop trying to recreate the past and instead just focus on one memory for now. I'll go with the acupuncture workshop we did at Kripalu because that was one of the first times that I felt like i was allowed to delve into something unknown without letting the voice of my critical conscience scare me to inaction. We grabbed those needles and went at it..thanks to all my fellow healers who were there for such a unique learning experience, this picture is for you guys! (sorry you cant really see the needles too well)



And now, time to turn my ADD brain OFF. at least for a little while...Jai Hind! :D